anxiety shades

[Kula and Della wait in the "safe zone" of the apartment as we move our stuff out. June 2005]

I feel, how Kula looks...

I'm sitting in the dining room listening to the neighbors across the street angrily yelling at each other, house (or maybe it's car) sirens going off down the street, my laundry tumbling in the basement. 2 of the sounds make me anxious, 1 sound comfortable... anxious wins.

I'm adjusting to this neighborhood faster than I thought I would. (excluding tonight...) I've enjoyed taking Kula for walks and looking at all of the unique, old homes. Sometimes it reminds me of being in Savannah, Georgia. So much character.

And then I hear stories from friends in the neighborhood about friends of friends in the neighborhood getting mugged at their door and shot in the head, although they manage to survive. These are not the stories I want to hear...although I try to stay rational and realize that this can happen anywhere...even in the suburbs...right?

I've spent the entire evening staring at shades and drapes on this computer....and still no decisions. This is why I tell myself I can not become a designer. I can not seem to visualize what will look good and what will not. Then the buyer's remorse kicks in just thinking about making a purchase. If only I was as good at decorating as I am at being anxious.