insomnia

I lay in bed listening to:

• Andrew breathe
• Kula shifting on the bed in the guest room
• the furnace kicking on... and shutting off
• the ice maker kicking out ice in the refrigerator
• the sound of a dying battery in one of the smoke alarms downstairs

I lay in bed looking at:

• the clock
• Della curled up between me and Andrew
• the way the street lights illuminate the curtains
• the enormous hole in the ceiling directly above where I sleep (more on this later)

I lay in bed thinking about:

• the enormous hole in the ceiling directly above me is creating bad feng shui
  
• if only I hadn't been depressed all day and sat on the couch for most of it I would be sleeping right now
• how I really hate being depressed
• what to write on my blog

If there is one thing I have noticed about getting older, it's insomnia. It seems to have become a regular condition rather than an occassional annoyance. However, for this particular bout I have several theories:

Theory #1: The enormous hole in the ceiling above where I sleep.
It's not really a hole... it's actually a spot where the drywall tape was coming off the ceiling and causing the paint to crack. I've been thinking about painting the bedroom because: #1, it's still pink from when we moved in and #2, my dad is coming to visit in a week. (whenever someone comes to visit I go crazy trying to finish projects.) Anyway...if I'm going to paint the walls I need to paint the ceiling and I can't paint a ceiling with a bunch of sagging drywall tape. So, Tuesday I decided to tear off the loose pieces which left a large area of exposed drywall...directly over where I sleep. I truly believe this has created a source of bad chi in the room that is keeping me awake...or please see theory #2.

Theory #2: Being slowly elimnated from my job.
When I returned from my Holiday vacation I was greeted with the news that my employer had essentially layed me off for the month of January. Apparently business is so slow in January (and February) that there is not enough work for part-time employees. It would have been nice of them to mention this when I was hired for the job back in September.... But instead I'm on winter break from school...a time when I should be raking in the money (to pay for school), but instead I have absolutely no income at all. The real kicker is that I got a phone call yesterday morning to tell me not to come in...and not to come in today...and that Friday and Saturday were up in the air... My last week of work, that I was TRULY counting on to help pay my bills...is essentially gone. If this isn't enough to keep a person up at night...please see theory #3.

Theory #3: You never really want your X's to be happy.
This one isn't even worth getting in to.

I was already a mess yesterday morning from theory #2...I was deep in pity party mode when theory #3 happened. Not a good combo. Hence, entire day on the couch and a night of tossing and turning.

But I want to end this on a good note...(because really...where else is there to go? It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm pouring my heart out to a computer...something I'm probably going to regret by 5:32 am. )

I really have to thank Andrew. He was a trooper yesterday....for putting up with my pity party...for making me laugh, for taking care of me, for being my eternal optimist.... I could not make it through this life without him....

Here's to hoping that 2006 is filled with baby-smooth ceilings (and other smooth home renovations; part time jobs that give you hours; straight A's in school; lots of home-brew; a garden; "sparkle"; a trip to the beach; long walks with Kula; friends with new babies; lots of knitting and quilting; lots of love, happiness and good health.