Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Collage Wednesday

So I realized this evening that I really need to start preparing for Collage Wednesday on Tuesday evening instead of Wednesday evening.... sorry about that.

I did work on a new one this evening however I didn't get a chance to glue it down and I didn't want to rush myself and then regret it later. So here is a pre-rubber cement peek.


Monday, April 25, 2005

Lucky Coin

So life still feels like it is moving at lightning speed...or rather just a stressful speed.

There were lots of changes at my job on Friday that have me all worked up. They are probably good changes but any change at this time in my life feels uncomfortable and scary. Work changes, home changes, etc....too many changes all at once. But I've already complained about how much is going on in the next two months so I won't bore you with another pity party.

This weekend Andrew and I bought a new couch! We bought it at Intaglia but unfortunately the one we picked is not pictured on their website. It looks a little like this one, only smaller, with no back cushions and a lighter colored linen. I hope it works in the new house!

Books that my mom sent me this weekend:
They both have really good patterns but the directions seem complicated...especially in the Folk bags one... I think I will need a more experienced knitter to help me along.

Sunday Andrew and I watched Hotel Rwanda. An excellent movie but very, very, very sad and heart-renching.

I've been meaning to catch up on some quilting links.
Be Be Bold Quilts [via wee wonderfuls] are super cool. Lucky coin is my favorite.


Felt Wall instructions [via angry chicken] This is exactly what I want to create in my room in the new house. I can't wait!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Collage Wednesday #5


I made it! It is still Wednesday, 10:47 pm to be exact, and I am posting my Wednesday collage. I'm excited to say my idea worked. Having a Collage Wednesday motivated me to create a new collage....even though it is way past my bedtime. You can see that I have been busy making a mess of my desk... digging through all my old and new scraps.

Here is the result.

I'm not happy with how the Modge Podge is working. It is making the pieces wrinkle... I will have to try something else. I think I knew this already...but in my rush to get something done I obviously didn't think hard enough.

Thanks to my friend Shaili who commented on my previous entry. I've tried to express my internal conflict about my interest in design before but either no one seemed interested or I never really felt understood. Thank you so much Shaili, you totally got it! Your words were very inspiring. I already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. =)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Decoration Final Exam


The apartment is an utter disaster area... I think I have pulled out every decorating magazine I own...and that's a lot of magazines! They are everywhere! Next to the bed, next to the couch, the dining room table, the bathroom, the office... I must figure out some way to organize it all...but nothing has come to me yet.

Today at lunch as I was sketching out the layout of the first floor of the house I realized there were way too many things I wanted and not enough money to go around. I started thinking about when Alex moved to L.A. and how she decided to spend her money only on the things she thought were most important to her. Is this something I can do?

For as long as I've dreamed about being an interior designer I've also dreaded the moral guilt I've created that goes along with it. The more I want to decorate the more I get down on myself for being materialistic and shallow. It is a completely self constructed problem I've created. I know in my heart that good design does not have to cost a lot of money and that there are millions of great designers out there who create beauty with the simplest of objects. Then again I read so many magazines and in these magazines I see so many beautiful objects that can only be aquired at a cost. I try to convince myself that interior design isn't about acquiring objects, especially expensive objects. It is about the visual imagery and emotional response that is created by the combination of interior elements. For some it is truly an art form. The room is the canvas and the fabrics, wallpaper, paint, pillows, rugs, pictures, vases, candles, floors, windows, etc are all just the paints put onto the canvas.

Then again, as someone who loves good design and someone who has coveted good design for so long there are some things I want to say visually that I can't do inexpensively....and that is frustrating. Sometimes having good taste is a curse! I do think my impatience also plays a large part in all of this internal drama, along with worrying about money. My favorite aesthetic by far is using vintage, antique and found pieces but finding those pieces takes time.... and it is never quite quick enough to satisfy me.

Thinking about decorating this house is causing all sorts of stress and excitment in me. I've been dreaming for YEARS about having a space that I could do anything I wanted. No more boring white walls!! I can paint any color I want! So many ideas are fighting their way out of my brain it just feels like chaos. And more guilt... worrying about re-sale value is another thing that has me thinking about censoring my creative urges.

Part of me feels like this is a long awaited exam.... that if I can't decorate my own home I shouldn't go back to school to be a designer. This is an incredible amount of pressure my ego is putting on me, no wonder I feel stressed to the max!!

Andrew leaves for NY tomorrow... it's not great timing because he will miss the inspection and we are still trying to work out things with the lender and insurance. However, part of me is looking forward to a little alone time.... After 3 intense weeks of house shopping and negotiations together I can have some time to myself to clean up the apartment, organize my internal decoration final exam, and organize my thoughts...

Monday, April 18, 2005

Obsessing over...

more books
wallpaper and more wallpaper
waiting for my Domino magazine to arrive! 8 more days!

Andrew and I got over zealous and started packing already! Kula and Della don't know what is going on. Now we get to stare at boxes for 6 weeks. Oh least we are excited. The inspection is Thursday. I'm all ready to measure the space for the fridge, the height of the windows in the living room and the space for a bed in the guest room. I'm on decoration overload!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Guess what Andrew is signing....


It's bigger than a bread box...but smaller than the Mall of America....

It's our new house! (pending inspections, closing and lots of paperwork)

Take a peek!


Thursday, April 14, 2005

Collage Wednesday #4 (a little late...sorry)

[butterflies, magazine collage, 2001]

I can't believe I missed Collage Wednesday! This house stuff has taken over our lives!! I kid you not...the apartment is a MESS!! Dishes in the sink, clothes everywhere, papers and magazines everywhere, no food in the fridge, piles of laundry, it's making me crazy! Tuesday night we didn't eat dinner until 9 pm! Everyone is feeling the stress...Kula hasn't been eating and Della is constantly meowing and wanting attention. I think there might be a light at the end of the tunnel...but it just isn't getting here fast enough.

Actually...I'm starting to think that things won't really slow down until the end of June. In the next 9 weeks we have a trip to Wisconsin, we might have to move into a house and out of an apartment, and be in a wedding. Not to mention that mixed in there will be work trips to NY for Andrew, birthdays, concerts, wedding showers, bachelor parties and all the regular stuff that makes life tick. Most of this stuff will be a lot of fun and I really shouldn't be dreading it....I just wish it wasn't all happening at what feels like the same time. I think maybe Andrew and I should have waited to buy a house until the fall...

Needless to say I probably won't be posting a lot of crafts for awhile. I have one knitting project I'm working on that I must get done soon and I'm also going to try and keep up the collages but other than that everything must be put on hold.

Stayed tuned...

Monday, April 11, 2005


[redbud tree, Valley Park, Missouri; April 9, 2005]

Has is really only been a week? It feels like it has been a month since Andrew and I started the house search. We are two SUPER impatient people! What a stressful, stressful whirlwind.

It was gorgeous here in Missouri this weekend, sunny, high 70s. I had shorts on and took Kula for a big hike at Castlewood State Park with Andrew. I LOVE Missouri in the spring. All the plants and flowers are blooming like crazy. You can walk everywhere and smell the sweet scent of magnolias.

Despite the nice weather there really was a lot of stress this weekend. Andrew and I saw a nice house on Sunday but it's in a neighborhood that isn't my first choice. Ironically Keri Smith talked about the meaning of home on her page today. I'm sharing a lot of her feelings about being terrified and overwhelmed but also contemplating new spaces, new opportunities and new adventures. I have also been thinking about how it is time to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I have gotten boring and sheltered living in the suburbs for 4 years. It's time to shake things up, right?

I'm amazed that any couple actually makes it through the house buying process. We each have such different wants, needs, expectations, perceptions and opinions. It is very difficult to compromise on what feels like such a big decision.

So, I will try to keep up with my writing...but if I disappear for a bit you know where I am.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Collage Wednesday #3


I made this piece the summer of 2003 for my boyfriend Andrew. It is framed, matted in orange and hangs in his bathroom with the other piece I made for him.

I found these beautiful photo collages via Tania this morning. It looks like there are some more collages here too, but it's in another language so I'm not sure what I'm looking at or who the artist is. I can't wait to find some time to dig into them some more.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Home Sick

This picture makes me think of home. I grew up in Cortland New York. A small town 30 minutes south of Syracuse New York.

This picture is actually in Pennsylvania. It's from a wonderful new photoblog called A Walk Through Durham Township, Pennsylvania. [found via the 2005 Phoottobloggie awards] The photographer is Kathleen Connally and her work is absolutely breathtaking. It's no wonder she was the winner of 2 Photobloggie awards this year, best landscape photography and photo of the year.

I've been missing from my blog the last few days because Andrew and I have started the search for a home...and it's making me sick...with stress. Home shopping is exhausting, physically and mentally. We finally have a realtor so suddenly it feels like the race is on. We've probably seen 15-20 houses in the last 3 days. One is too close to the highway, another is too expensive, one is too small, another on a bad street. I can't believe we have seen so many houses and none of them feel right. I'm getting more and more anxious that I'm going to end up having to settle for something....and that is an awful feeling. We've only just started the search but our excitement is keeping us from being patient.

Lastly I'm homesick because I found out that one of my uncles died of a heart attack this past weekend. My Uncle Teddy. I probably haven't seen him since I was 10 years old but he made an impression on me. I remember him as a very large, happy, friendly black man. I always used to be so proud of that...telling all my grade school friends that I had a black uncle. He was a dedicated social worker, an avid golfer, raised two kids, and struggled with kidney disease for almost 30 years. I always wanted to go back and visit him in New Jersey to get reacquainted...but now all I have are my memories. I wanted to post a picture of him but I don't have any with me...they are all back home in NY.

This is the second uncle I have lost to a heart attack in the last 4 years. It's weird being at a stage in my life where I am starting to lose loved ones. It makes me miss the past and fear the future.

I miss you Uncle Teddy and I'm sorry I didn't get to see you again before you had to go.

Friday, April 01, 2005

sad day


What a sad, sad, sad day.... Andrew no longer has access to AOL Instant Messenger. =(

This may sound silly but I am really devastated. Andrew and I have been talking online 5 days a week for almost 6 years (minus 10 months when we were being stupid and having a tiff). I seriously don't know if I can function at work without being able to chat with him all day?

I'm sure you are all thinking.."Oh will get more done at work! You shouldn't be talking online all day anyway!" You are probably right....but having Andrew online has always been a security blanket for me... It was a HUGE part of how we communicated everyday. We had our own language, our own humor, our own little daily dance over the big, bad, world wide web.

Each day started by logging on, opening IM and giving a little "xxoo" to my sweetie. No more "xxoo".... no more "=+".... no more instant fun, laughter, support and love..... sad....