Collage Wednesday

So I realized this evening that I really need to start preparing for Collage Wednesday on Tuesday evening instead of Wednesday evening.... sorry about that.

I did work on a new one this evening however I didn't get a chance to glue it down and I didn't want to rush myself and then regret it later. So here is a pre-rubber cement peek.

Lucky Coin

So life still feels like it is moving at lightning speed...or rather just a stressful speed.

There were lots of changes at my job on Friday that have me all worked up. They are probably good changes but any change at this time in my life feels uncomfortable and scary. Work changes, home changes, etc....too many changes all at once. But I've already complained about how much is going on in the next two months so I won't bore you with another pity party.

This weekend Andrew and I bought a new couch! We bought it at Intaglia but unfortunately the one we picked is not pictured on their website. It looks a little like this one, only smaller, with no back cushions and a lighter colored linen. I hope it works in the new house!


Books that my mom sent me this weekend:

• Folk Bags: 30 Knitting patterns and tales from around the world
• 25 bags to knit

They both have really good patterns but the directions seem complicated...especially in the Folk bags one... I think I will need a more experienced knitter to help me along.

Sunday Andrew and I watched Hotel Rwanda. An excellent movie but very, very, very sad and heart-renching.

I've been meaning to catch up on some quilting links.
Be Be Bold Quilts [via wee wonderfuls] are super cool. Lucky coin is my favorite.



Felt Wall instructions [via angry chicken] This is exactly what I want to create in my room in the new house. I can't wait!

Collage Wednesday #5

I made it! It is still Wednesday, 10:47 pm to be exact, and I am posting my Wednesday collage. I'm excited to say my idea worked. Having a Collage Wednesday motivated me to create a new collage....even though it is way past my bedtime. You can see that I have been busy making a mess of my desk... digging through all my old and new scraps.

Here is the result.


I'm not happy with how the Modge Podge is working. It is making the pieces wrinkle... I will have to try something else. I think I knew this already...but in my rush to get something done I obviously didn't think hard enough.

Thanks to my friend Shaili who commented on my previous entry. I've tried to express my internal conflict about my interest in design before but either no one seemed interested or I never really felt understood. Thank you so much Shaili, you totally got it! Your words were very inspiring. I already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. =)

Decoration Final Exam

The apartment is an utter disaster area... I think I have pulled out every decorating magazine I own...and that's a lot of magazines! They are everywhere! Next to the bed, next to the couch, the dining room table, the bathroom, the office... I must figure out some way to organize it all...but nothing has come to me yet.

Today at lunch as I was sketching out the layout of the first floor of the house I realized there were way too many things I wanted and not enough money to go around. I started thinking about when Alex moved to L.A. and how she decided to spend her money only on the things she thought were most important to her. Is this something I can do?

For as long as I've dreamed about being an interior designer I've also dreaded the moral guilt I've created that goes along with it. The more I want to decorate the more I get down on myself for being materialistic and shallow. It is a completely self constructed problem I've created. I know in my heart that good design does not have to cost a lot of money and that there are millions of great designers out there who create beauty with the simplest of objects. Then again I read so many magazines and in these magazines I see so many beautiful objects that can only be aquired at a cost. I try to convince myself that interior design isn't about acquiring objects, especially expensive objects. It is about the visual imagery and emotional response that is created by the combination of interior elements. For some it is truly an art form. The room is the canvas and the fabrics, wallpaper, paint, pillows, rugs, pictures, vases, candles, floors, windows, etc are all just the paints put onto the canvas.

Then again, as someone who loves good design and someone who has coveted good design for so long there are some things I want to say visually that I can't do inexpensively....and that is frustrating. Sometimes having good taste is a curse! I do think my impatience also plays a large part in all of this internal drama, along with worrying about money. My favorite aesthetic by far is using vintage, antique and found pieces but finding those pieces takes time.... and it is never quite quick enough to satisfy me.

Thinking about decorating this house is causing all sorts of stress and excitment in me. I've been dreaming for YEARS about having a space that I could do anything I wanted. No more boring white walls!! I can paint any color I want! So many ideas are fighting their way out of my brain it just feels like chaos. And more guilt... worrying about re-sale value is another thing that has me thinking about censoring my creative urges.

Part of me feels like this is a long awaited exam.... that if I can't decorate my own home I shouldn't go back to school to be a designer. This is an incredible amount of pressure my ego is putting on me, no wonder I feel stressed to the max!!

Andrew leaves for NY tomorrow... it's not great timing because he will miss the inspection and we are still trying to work out things with the lender and insurance. However, part of me is looking forward to a little alone time.... After 3 intense weeks of house shopping and negotiations together I can have some time to myself to clean up the apartment, organize my internal decoration final exam, and organize my thoughts...

Obsessing over...

curtains
paint
couches
rugs
books
more books
faucets
wallpaper and more wallpaper
waiting for my Domino magazine to arrive! 8 more days!

Andrew and I got over zealous and started packing already! Kula and Della don't know what is going on. Now we get to stare at boxes for 6 weeks. Oh well...at least we are excited. The inspection is Thursday. I'm all ready to measure the space for the fridge, the height of the windows in the living room and the space for a bed in the guest room. I'm on decoration overload!

Guess what Andrew is signing....

It's bigger than a bread box...but smaller than the Mall of America....

It's our new house! (pending inspections, closing and lots of paperwork)

Take a peek!

Collage Wednesday #4 (a little late...sorry)

[butterflies, magazine collage, 2001]

I can't believe I missed Collage Wednesday! This house stuff has taken over our lives!! I kid you not...the apartment is a MESS!! Dishes in the sink, clothes everywhere, papers and magazines everywhere, no food in the fridge, piles of laundry, it's making me crazy! Tuesday night we didn't eat dinner until 9 pm! Everyone is feeling the stress...Kula hasn't been eating and Della is constantly meowing and wanting attention. I think there might be a light at the end of the tunnel...but it just isn't getting here fast enough.

Actually...I'm starting to think that things won't really slow down until the end of June. In the next 9 weeks we have a trip to Wisconsin, we might have to move into a house and out of an apartment, and be in a wedding. Not to mention that mixed in there will be work trips to NY for Andrew, birthdays, concerts, wedding showers, bachelor parties and all the regular stuff that makes life tick. Most of this stuff will be a lot of fun and I really shouldn't be dreading it....I just wish it wasn't all happening at what feels like the same time. I think maybe Andrew and I should have waited to buy a house until the fall...

Needless to say I probably won't be posting a lot of crafts for awhile. I have one knitting project I'm working on that I must get done soon and I'm also going to try and keep up the collages but other than that everything must be put on hold.

Stayed tuned...

Redbud

[redbud tree, Valley Park, Missouri; April 9, 2005]

Has is really only been a week? It feels like it has been a month since Andrew and I started the house search. We are two SUPER impatient people! What a stressful, stressful whirlwind.

It was gorgeous here in Missouri this weekend, sunny, high 70s. I had shorts on and took Kula for a big hike at Castlewood State Park with Andrew. I LOVE Missouri in the spring. All the plants and flowers are blooming like crazy. You can walk everywhere and smell the sweet scent of magnolias.

Despite the nice weather there really was a lot of stress this weekend. Andrew and I saw a nice house on Sunday but it's in a neighborhood that isn't my first choice. Ironically Keri Smith talked about the meaning of home on her page today. I'm sharing a lot of her feelings about being terrified and overwhelmed but also contemplating new spaces, new opportunities and new adventures. I have also been thinking about how it is time to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I have gotten boring and sheltered living in the suburbs for 4 years. It's time to shake things up, right?

I'm amazed that any couple actually makes it through the house buying process. We each have such different wants, needs, expectations, perceptions and opinions. It is very difficult to compromise on what feels like such a big decision.

So, I will try to keep up with my writing...but if I disappear for a bit you know where I am.

Collage Wednesday #3

I made this piece the summer of 2003 for my boyfriend Andrew. It is framed, matted in orange and hangs in his bathroom with the other piece I made for him.

I found these beautiful photo collages via Tania this morning. It looks like there are some more collages here too, but it's in another language so I'm not sure what I'm looking at or who the artist is. I can't wait to find some time to dig into them some more.

Home Sick

This picture makes me think of home. I grew up in Cortland New York. A small town 30 minutes south of Syracuse New York.

This picture is actually in Pennsylvania. It's from a wonderful new photoblog called A Walk Through Durham Township, Pennsylvania. [found via the 2005 Phoottobloggie awards] The photographer is Kathleen Connally and her work is absolutely breathtaking. It's no wonder she was the winner of 2 Photobloggie awards this year, best landscape photography and photo of the year.

I've been missing from my blog the last few days because Andrew and I have started the search for a home...and it's making me sick...with stress. Home shopping is exhausting, physically and mentally. We finally have a realtor so suddenly it feels like the race is on. We've probably seen 15-20 houses in the last 3 days. One is too close to the highway, another is too expensive, one is too small, another on a bad street. I can't believe we have seen so many houses and none of them feel right. I'm getting more and more anxious that I'm going to end up having to settle for something....and that is an awful feeling. We've only just started the search but our excitement is keeping us from being patient.

Lastly I'm homesick because I found out that one of my uncles died of a heart attack this past weekend. My Uncle Teddy. I probably haven't seen him since I was 10 years old but he made an impression on me. I remember him as a very large, happy, friendly black man. I always used to be so proud of that...telling all my grade school friends that I had a black uncle. He was a dedicated social worker, an avid golfer, raised two kids, and struggled with kidney disease for almost 30 years. I always wanted to go back and visit him in New Jersey to get reacquainted...but now all I have are my memories. I wanted to post a picture of him but I don't have any with me...they are all back home in NY.

This is the second uncle I have lost to a heart attack in the last 4 years. It's weird being at a stage in my life where I am starting to lose loved ones. It makes me miss the past and fear the future.

I miss you Uncle Teddy and I'm sorry I didn't get to see you again before you had to go.

sad day

What a sad, sad, sad day.... Andrew no longer has access to AOL Instant Messenger. =(

This may sound silly but I am really devastated. Andrew and I have been talking online 5 days a week for almost 6 years (minus 10 months when we were being stupid and having a tiff). I seriously don't know if I can function at work without being able to chat with him all day?

I'm sure you are all thinking.."Oh Sara...you will get more done at work! You shouldn't be talking online all day anyway!" You are probably right....but having Andrew online has always been a security blanket for me... It was a HUGE part of how we communicated everyday. We had our own language, our own humor, our own little daily dance over the big, bad, world wide web.

Each day started by logging on, opening IM and giving a little "xxoo" to my sweetie. No more "xxoo".... no more "=+".... no more instant fun, laughter, support and love.....

Ugh...so sad....

Daylight Savings

Finally! Spring is here!

It's been in the 70s the last two days and the sun is shining! I was so depressed last week when it was so gray and rainy, day after day....

I can't wait until Sunday when it is sunny and warm and Andrew and I can take Kula out to play.

It really feels like today should be Friday. I've already worked almost 40 hours this week and I can't stand the thought of having to come back to this cube tomorrow. =(

Don't forget that Daylight Savings is this weekend. We lose an hour of sleep on Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Collage Wednesday

Hey! It’s Collage Wednesday!

This is a collage that I made for my boyfriend Andrew….right before he was my boyfriend.

It was Valentine’s Day weekend February 2003. Andrew and I were still just friends and I went to visit him in NYC. We had a great weekend hanging with friends, visiting museums, eating yummy food….until….the blizzard of 2003 hit NY. We were eating a not so good seafood dinner in Manhattan when the snow started to fall. By the time we came out of the restaurant there was already 2-3 inches of snow on the ground. Now this might not sound like something to panic about…except Andrew’s car is a very tiny Mazda Miata convertible. This car was not made for snow.

It was a very exciting trip out of Manhattan and into Queens where we took our chances trying to make it to the grocery store to stock up in case we got snowed in. The place looked like a war zone!! Crowded with people, empty shelves with no food, I wasn’t quite sure we were going to make it out of there. We gathered supplies for chicken noodle soup, breakfast and snacks and trudged back out to the car.

Now getting home was the highlight of the evening. In order to get back to Andrew’s house we had to take a street that went right up a hill. Mazda Miata convertible + hill + 4 inches of snow = not really going anywhere fast. It was an absolute miracle that we made it up that street and personally I think it was my extra special skill of rubbing the car’s dashboard and screaming sweet nothings at it…”You can do it Tristessa! Go! Go! You can make it!” that got us up that hill.

The whole adventure was a blast and thank goodness we went to the store because 3-4 feet of snow fell on the city that night and we were most definitely trapped in the house….. for an extra 2 days!! The airport was shut down. Everything was shut down.

Out of sheer boredom and cabin fever I started sorting through Andrew’s supply of Wired magazines and this collage was born. It looks kind of awful because the only glue at my disposal was a crazy little bottle of, I don’t even know what, that didn’t work so well.

Beside the fact that the glue was awful I really like this piece. It brings back great memories and was so super spontaneous. It was my gift to Andrew and it hangs in his bathroom with another collage I made for him that I’ll show you next week. The orange border is actually the matting around the collage.

No time to nap with Della

I’m so busy! I was at work for 12 hours yesterday! This morning I was off to the dentist and tonight Kula needs a serious manicure. Tomorrow night I have to make banana bread for a work pot luck event. Friday I have to stay at work late. Saturday is a Final Four party. I might also be dog sitting for my friend Aileen this weekend and then I have a charity fund raiser event on Sunday. I thought March was going to be slow and boring but it’s the exact opposite. I can’t keep up!

With so much going on I haven’t had any time to quilt or knit…which makes me want to cry. =(

I’m not sure April will be much better. Andrew and I are speeding things up on the house buying adventure and I’m helping my friend Leigh plan for her June wedding.

I have been working on a slipcover for my office chair because if I have to work in corporate America at least I can make my cube have some personality. I’ve finished the top but I am still working on the bottom. You can see part of it in this picture. I’m pleating the orange striped fabric to be a little skirt. I’ll try and take a picture of the top tonight so you can get a better idea of what I’m doing.

Congratulations Keith and Shaili

My good friends Keith and Shaili spent last week camping and canoeing in Arkansas and then arrived in St. Louis last night for a visit on their way home to Wisconsin. Turns out they had a surprise to share. They are having a wedding!!! This is very exciting because Keith and Shaili have been dating a long time and I started to think there would never be a wedding...which is totally cool but...weddings are cool too! I am SO excited to be able to celebrate with them in July, it sounds like it is going to be a very relaxed, fun and wonderful wedding.

So CONGRATULATIONS Keith and Shaili!! It was fabulous to get to see you and I can't wait to see you in July.

Collage Wednesday

Inspired by Amy's "Quilt Monday" I decide that maybe I should try having a "Collage Wednesday". If you hadn't noticed already I added a link over to the right called "collage". I've only added 2 so far but I have more I need to add. I think each week I will try and post a new image of a collage I have made and then add it to the gallery.

This is a piece I made back in 2001. I started making collages out of magazines about six years ago when I first moved to St. Louis Missouri. I LOVE magazines and since I'm CONSTANTLY flipping through magazines I just naturally started ripping out colors, textures and images that spoke to me and creating collages. I actually haven't worked on anything in probably a year but it is always in the back of my head. I have a HUGE box of magazine clippings just waiting to be mixed and matched, cut and pasted into beautiful new creations. I'm hoping "Collage Wednesday" will motivate me to start creating some new pieces. I hope you enjoy seeing my work!

Envy

"A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another." [via dictionary.com]

Andrew and I spent 3 hours looking at houses yesterday. We looked at a total of 11. It was quite exhausting and depressing. All the neighborhoods that I want to live in are way too expensive for tiny, TINY houses. Our apartment is bigger than most of these houses!! Last night and this morning I am feeling the weight of “envy” on my shoulders and my spirit and it sucks….

I’ve been feeling a lot of “envy” for the last couple years. Between friends getting married, friends getting new jobs, friends buying HUGE, beautiful houses, and friends having babies I have been feeling quite out of sorts. I don’t like the feeling of envy. It doesn’t make me feel good. I love my friends and I am happy for them…really I am. I just wish I could stop my mind from always comparing and comparing and comparing. The “envy” is heavy and cold and uncomfortable. It makes me feel small and sad and lonely. It plays tricks on me…how will I ever find a house that is as good? How will I ever have a wedding that is as good? Everyone has done it first, so when my turn comes around it will be old and boring. The “envy” won’t let me shake these thoughts.

On 60 minutes last night they had a story about the Moken people who managed to survive the tsunami late last year because they knew how to read the signs of the ocean. The story explored lots of other details of their culture such as the fact that they have no words for hello, goodbye, time, when, or want. How glorious to not know the word want! I want….. Ah..see, caught myself. Would it even be possible to make it through a day without saying the word “want”? Would you be able to notice when you said it?

How do I let go of envy? How do I find contentment in the present moment? How do I experience gratitude for what I already have? Life would be so much sweeter if I could find the answers.

Patricia

Last night I spent 5 hours! catching up with my dear friend Patricia. It has been a long time since we saw each other last so we had a lot to catch up on. I met Patricia back in 2000 and she is my long lost soul mate! I love to talk to Patricia. She has had an amazing life and I love to listen to all of her stories and advice. There is so much I have to learn from her, such as the benefits of eating crystalized ginger before you eat fruit. Who knew? I must make an effort to see her more often.

I've known Patricia five years but this is the first time I have been to her house! Holy Cow, it's huge!! The most gorgeous, enormous, amazing victorian home in downtown St. Louis. It was so homey and had such a great energy. I'm so glad I was able to see it. Thanks for dinner Patricia! It was wonderful to see you!

Domino

I found out about a new home magazine coming out next month via design*sponge. It's called Domino. Ironically it is by the publishers of Lucky and I bought my first Lucky last night. I don't think Lucky is really for me though. It was fun, but I'm just not that in to spending thousands of dollars on clothes. I am however in to spending thousands of dollars on designing my living space which might explain why I already subscribed to Domino. (I'm SO addicted to magazines!) Go here for a sneak peek.

Louis Kahn

[via www.greatbuildings.com; Esherick House - Chestnut Hill, PA]

We watched the documentary My Architect this evening and it was really spectacular. It was made by the illegitimate son of the famous architect Louis Kahn. I must admit that I didn't know a thing about Kahn before I watched this movie. I had heard good reviews and I have always had an interest in architecture so I thought it would be fun to watch. It's a great film and a very interesting story.

My favorite part though was the end. The director travels to India and Bangladesh to see two of his father's greatest buildings. At each building he spoke to an architect from that country about the building and his father. Both architects commented about this man as if he were enlightened.

The man from India described Kahn as a guru and he believed that Kahn died because he had reached the point of enlightenment. The man from Bangladesh described Kahn as a man full of love, that Kahn had love for everyone. This struck me as another trait of someone who has attained enlightenment. The depth of emotion that both of these men had for Kahn was very touching. It made his story all that more intriguing to me since I have my own guru and I have great respect for anyone who has come close to attaining that level of spirituality.

I don't know if Louis Kahn was enlightened but he definitely had a spirit that touched many people's lives and he created some very beautiful buildings. What a great way to spend a Monday evening.


[via www.archpedia.com; Indian Institute of Management]


[via www.archpedia.com, National Assembly Bangladesh]