Transition

Well, that must have been the fastest week of my life! Time flies when you are quitting your job, looking for a new job, saying goodbye to friends and celebrating change.

Thanks to everyone at my old corporate job! For all the complaining I did over the years I really did work with the NICEST people and I was very lucky. They took me to an awesome lunch on Friday and presented me with lots of school goodies! Notebooks, paper, pens, crayons and such. So cute! Everyone also had such kind, supportive things to say about my big decision to go back to school. I really appreciated everyone's good wishes. Thank you!

Last week I was also busy finishing our linen closet in our guest bedroom (because Andrew's parents were arriving on Friday). I added more shelves made out of scrap wood I found in tha basement and I also added doors. Here is a before and after shot.




Andrew's parents arrived on Friday afternoon and kindly waited for me to race home so I could be there to show them our little pride and joy.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MARK AND LYNN!! Andrew's dad did an AMAZING amount of work on the house.


Securing our floor joists, securing the cement under our fireplace, fixing our bathroom sink, installing a new light fixture. We had MANY trips to Home Depot. Too many trips! Poor Lynn was stuck comforting Kula from the big storms we had and I forced her to watch multiple episodes of Debbie Travis.




It wasn't all work and no play however. We introduced Andrew's parents to our neighborhood pizza joint, had a fun trip to St. Charles and Lynn brought me some great old photos of Andrew's family to scan into my computer.


Andrew and I had a lot of fun and were very sad to see his parents go.
Thanks again Mark and Lynn! We miss you!

Apply Yourself

[Mikaela; 22nd Annual Schrembs Family Pool Party, July 2005]

So I managed to apply for two jobs last Thursday. I was very proud of myself because the week before I was paralyzed with fear at even the thought of filling out an application. Now it's Monday and I'm paralyzed with fear that I haven't gotten a phone call yet. ACK! I need a job people! The more time that passes the more panicked I become....and the more fearful I am of having to get a job that I really hate out of desperation.

I'm trying to hold it together...really, I am.

My goal is to apply for at least three more jobs today. I just finished one application that I will drop off after work. I am going to finish another one online this afternoon and then stop at another store after work and hopefully pick up an application, fill it out and turn it in before I leave the parking lot.

Tomorrow will entail calling the temp agency I used to work for after the last job I quit and considering other places that I can apply. Ugh.... I knew this would be the most stressful part of this process. I should have started earlier.... It is really difficult to keep my spirits up at this point. I need to know that I will have income coming from somewhere!!!....it's frustrating not knowing where. Worry, worry, worry....

Jen Gray keeps me going.

Kate Spade

This is what I got for devoting 5 years of my life to corporate america...



A nylon Kate Spade handbag.

It was kind of funny really. My five year anniversary was July 31 and I resigned August 1. My boss sent out two emails within two hours, one saying congratulations and the other saying good-bye. (I made sure to pick out my handbag before I handed in the resignation letter.)

Since I didn't need a grill, silverware, an alarm clock, stereo or camping equipment the only thing left was this handbag. It came in a fancy green box with a white cloth bag to put the handbag in! This must be some important handbag I've never had a bag for a bag! And I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about over a nylon bag...but I suppose it felt nice and fancy anyway.

I actually really love bags (ask my mother). For WEEKS I have been dreaming of two vintage clutches at my favorite antique mall. One white, beaded crocheted, and the other black crocheted. My only dilemma was spending $40 for them. Then Saturday night Andrew and I stopped at the vintage store down the street from our house and I found these two bags.



The black one is almost IDENTICAL to the one I was dreaming for. A little smaller and without a side panel but otherwise the same. Here is a close up of the black bag.



The white one is nothing like my dream clutch but it had a fancy clasp and a sweet little chain handle. Both of these purses would only cost me half of the dream purses. After some deliberation I went for it.

Lo and behold...the universe doesn't like me. I go to that antique mall today...and gosh darn'it the dream purses are 50% off!!! ACK! It was tough to recover from...but I'll have to live with what I got. Is the universe trying to teach me a lesson to be patient? Or a lesson on being happy with what I already have? Probably both I'm assuming but I sure do miss my little white beaded clutch....

chaise lounge chair

[by Julie Meredith, of www.etui-etui.com]

I have a lot of design ideas that pass through my head from time to time but my mind usually criticizes them before they get very far. Yesterday, for the briefest moment standing in the shower I had the image of a chaise lounge chair in my head. Now I wasn't really sure why I was thinking of a chaise lounge chair in the shower but it seemed like an interesting idea for a brief moment. But a second later it seemed like a ridiculous idea. Who would want to look at a picture, painting or card with a crappy, cheap chaise lounge chair on it? What would be the point? How silly of me. I must suck at design.

Do you know what I found that afternoon? A card with a picture of a crappy, cheap chaise lounge chair on it. So the good news is....not all of my ideas suck...and maybe I can design something. The bad news is....someone beat me too it (my mind's other reasoning for never wanting to try anything...someone must have done it already, and done it better than I could).

How bizarre though....this episode with the lounge chair. Is this a sign from the universe? A sign for what exactly? That I suck, or that I don't suck... Or that maybe there is at least some hope that I won't suck at design. Maybe a sign that I need to trust my instincts? Or a sign of congratulations for trusting my instincts and taking a step in the right direction?

I suppose I'll never know.

I'm still feeling happy and excited this week, although things have gotten busy. Lots of filling out job applications (but not really submitting them), knitting baby blankets, measuring chairs for slipcovers... Too much to do. I hope I can give you some more home improvement shots soon. Stick with me.... have a seat on the chaise lounge chair.

What's next?

Q: What are you doing next? {thanks for asking Alex…I wondered if anyone was curious.}

A: I am signed up for 4 classes at Saint Louis Community College at Meramec.
1. Interior Design 1
2. History of Cultural Environments ( basically the history of furnishings)
3. Architectural Graphics (drafting)
4. Graphic Design 1

I will also be looking for a part time job because I obviously will still have bills.

The idea is to “try” these things that I have been interested in for YEARS to see if
1. I enjoy it?
2. if I am any good at it?

The outcome might be I like interior more than graphic; or I like graphic more than interior; or maybe I won’t like either one. If that is the case I will cross that bridge when I come to it….but I’m assuming I would go to graduate school to follow up my bachelor’s degree in Natural Resources. We’ll see. I’m still hoping and praying that somehow I will just stumble upon the career of my dreams and all will be right with the world.

BIG news

It’s here... (although it looks awful in this picture! I need a new camera.) The couch we ordered all the way back in April is finally here! It is such a strange process to order a piece of furniture, dream about it for 14 weeks and then have it appear and look totally different than how you remembered it. Actually it doesn’t look that different, the color just looks different. I was thinking more off white and it’s a bit more yellow. Surprisingly it matches the color my mom and I selected for the fireplace really well.

It’s not as comfortable as I remember…but good enough, at least it’s deep. When Andrew sits in it he looks huge and the couch looks like it was made for midgets. Bob says it looks like a couch that would be purchased by people who know what they are doing, because he would never know where to buy a couch like that. I guess that was a compliment?

Now really, the “BIG news” is not the couch.

Today I submitted my resignation. I have 2 more weeks left in corporate America!

I feel relief and terror! It has actually been really nice today. I have gotten many, many well wishes; “I’m proud of you”; “Follow your dreams” and it has felt good to finally be able to tell people and see and hear their excitement for me. I needed that.

Last week was ROUGH. I was on my very, very last nerve. Insecure, fragile, overly sensitive, doubtful, sad, scared, etc, etc… Andrew is the most patient, calm and understanding human being on the planet! If it weren’t for him this transition would not be possible. Thank you, Andrew.

And a SUPER big thank you to all of my friends who have been gently pushing and supporting me through this decision over the last 6 years. You all have incredibly strong shoulders! And I am blessed to have friends with such big hearts.

So… now that the worst is over (what I hope is the worst at least…) and the decision is made I will hopefully come out of my depressed hiding and get on with being excited and busy. There has been lots going on in the house and lots of things to share so stay tuned.

Eat it up

I'm back! Did you miss me?

I had a fabulous time back home in Buffalo. My nieces are super, SUPER adorable and I could eat them up! Maggie was so good to me and let me cuddle with her lots (Mom was super jealous...sorry mom =) )


There were other highlights besides the nieces, believe it or not. On Friday my mom, Aunt Rose, Aunt Mary and I went to see a Frank Lloyd Wright house called Graycliff.



It is the summer home he designed on Lake Erie for the Darwin D. Martin family. (Mom and I went to see their Frank Lloyd Wright home in the city (of Buffalo) last year. ) The house is still in a lot of disrepair but it was fabulous anyway. I really enjoyed seeing this house....I think I just liked the house the most out of the 3 I have visited...I could see myself living there and being comfortable.

Now it's back to working on my own house. We have a few weeks before Andrew's parents arrive and I think we are gearing up for a house warming party soon. I need to sew curtains and hang more pictures and pick out more paints.

Here is a glimpse of the yard that I took last week from one of my studio windows. Look at that grass grow!

On the road again

[Mikaela, Kelly and Maggie; Renaissance Festival Sterling NY 2005]

I'm hitting the road again. This time up to my hometown of Buffalo to visit my two cutie nieces and the rest of my extended family. Be back on Tuesday.

Camping with love

Well, after a rough start (sick dog, sick Sara, sick Andrew) we made it to Wisconsin in one piece and had a very relaxing and wonderful weekend. I love Wisconsin! Everytime I go there I am so relaxed.

Congratulations Keith and Shaili!


What an awesome wedding. So simple, sweet and beautiful. It was a little hot, somewhere in the 90s, but the park was the perfect location. I got to see lots of old friends that I haven't seen in quite some time (Hi Dave and Janine!). And I met new people too, like Alex and Rebecca. Go check out their website. They just started a non-profit organization and are doing some really awesome work in Africa.

I actually ENJOYED the camping (stop laughing Denice!). No, really, I did. The fresh air, the stars, the moon, the raccoons, campfires, mashmallows. There is something about camping that just makes you feel good. I didn't have a care in the world. I think I should camp more often.

As usual I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I wanted. We decided it was safer not to take the camera on the Wisconsin river but I wish I had. It was so gorgeous and we had a blast. The water was so much fun.


Now we are back and I have a couple days off to do whatever I want!! I think I'll start with making some toast.

Wedding in Wisconsin

Andrew and I are off to Wisconsin this weekend to attend Keith and Shaili's wedding.

I am looking forward to: celebrating Keith and Shaili, knitting in the car, roasting marshmallows, meeting new people, using our tent for the second time, floating on the Wisconsin River, soaking up the sun, taking pictures, breathing the fresh air, and hopefully feeling relaxed and carefree.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend of their own. Be back on Monday.

Press On

[Red Rocks, Denver Colorado; May 2004]

Press on:
Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance.
Talent will not;
Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not;
Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not;
The world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Press on!

~Calvin Coolidge

Garden of mud

Here is completed knitting project #2, another baby blanket but this time for my good friends in Seattle.

Pattern: Big Bad Baby Blanket; Stitch n' Bitch
Yarn: Baby Ull; 100% merino wool

And by special request for my mom (since she helped us do ALOT of work on the yard on the 4th of July)...pictures of the progress made on the backyard this weekend.



I ripped out the entire garden that the sellers left here (muddy looking area on the left). There were a zillion irises! I replanted a mixture of irises and day lilies along the back fence. Some ferns and hostas got moved under the tree to the right and Andrew tore out the rest of the plants and turned all the soil. Now it is covered with grass seed which is quickly being eaten by every bird in the neighborhood.



At the moment Hurricane Dennis is turning the backyard into a giant mud pit!! It won't stop raining! All this rain might be good for the grass seed but I think it is taking it's tool on some of my other plants...=(

Thanks Mom for this book and this book that you sent me in the mail, you rock!! I can't wait to read them.

TinCan Therapy

[me and Bob; John & Leigh's Wedding, June 2005]

Been contemplating these thoughts from Ali… and these thoughts from Danny…

I’ve been so busy posting about the house that I’ve been stashing away a lot of other feelings, thoughts and worries that have been brewing.

Maybe my body thinks if I ignore them they will go away… they aren’t going away…
I know this from all of the Pop Tarts and Whatchamacallit bars I have been eating out of the vending machine this week. And the fact that I told Andrew 3 times this morning that I haven’t been sleeping well.

Things are S-L-O-W at work….which is awful because it gives my mind WAY too much time and freedom to roam…. and it usually roams to all the wrong places, like my insecurities, worries and such; or to the internet for shopping therapy.

Change is in the air.

Change=Fear=Worry=Me in hiding, dysfunctional and a ball of nerves 24/7 (God bless Andrew)

I try to think back and remember how I handled other times of change… When I moved to Missouri back in 1998. When I left my job in 1999. When I moved out of my sweet little rental house in 2004. The thing I handled the best was probably leaving my job in 1999 and for the life of me I can’t remember why I handled it so well!!! I should have been terrified! I had no job prospects and no place to live! (the job I was leaving provided housing…no job, no housing) But when I think back on that time I remember feeling liberated, excited, light, airy, free and full of possibility. Maybe it was because I was only 24 but I wish I could find that feeling again.

I don’t mean to sound cliché but I suppose this is my mid-life crisis? (or more accurately, “I’m not in my 20s anymore” crisis). I’m 30 and I feel lost and I don’t want to waste any more time feeling that way.

And this is why I LOVE my dear, dear friend Bob. I have been wracking my brain for weeks, wavering between this decision and that decision and last night I somehow ended up at the TinCan, drinking a Coke, talking with Bob, surrounded by the DirtyDogs softball team. And Bob said to me “Two years from now….would you rather have decorated your house…or become a decorator?”

And in typical fashion my mind responded, “Well I’m not sure I want to be a decorator or that I’ll be good enough, blah, blah, blah”….. But my heart got the point.

THE POINT IS… in 2 years I would rather know that I at least tried. That I went out and tried to find the thing that made me happy. And who knows…maybe in 2 years I’ll be a decorator….or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll be in a graduate school program for science…or education; or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll be serving coffee at the shop around the corner

but maybe, just maybe…. I will have discovered a way to spend my days that makes me happy and joyful and full and alive.

As much as I love buying things, objects, and stuff for my house (which represents lots of other baggage like having money and security)….it could never compare to finding happiness.

London

I just went to read Crazy Aunt Purl and Laurie had posted about what happened in London this morning. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as I realized that I am not the only one in this world who is sitting at work in a daze of sadness and confusion. I considered writing about my feelings this morning but I was actually embarrassed to write anything....because I thought I was the only one reacting to the news! Just like Laurie, everyone in my office is just moving along, business as usual. Sometimes I wonder where these people come from?

I feel awful for all the people of London, knowing how it feels to see your country under attack. I feel awful for the people who were killed and injured and the families that are sick with worry. I feel awful that I live in a world where there is so much ignorance, hate and evil and I feel helpless to stop it. I feel trapped; scared to travel; scared to live my life. I feel terrified to even consider bringing a child into this world someday.

All I can think to do is to repeat my mantra. To try and remember that where there is darkness there is also light. Do not focus on the darkness.

"You are the light, You are the refuge, There is no place to take shelter but yourself."
~inscription over Buddha's ashes [via Andrea at Superherodesigns]

House update

Well my Mom has come and gone but it was a really awesome visit. Thanks Mom! If felt like we were go, go, going the whole weekend but it felt really great.

Sunday we stopped at my favorite vintage store and made out like bandits! Mom got me this super cute square table cloth, ,

green art nouveau vase

and an original Milo Baughman chair!



Here is a before and after of our fireplace paint experiment....

I think I like not having it white, but I'm not sure we picked the right shades of paint. I think I want an even darker brown and a more gray khaki on the bottom. I'm leaving it for now though, need to do other projects.

Monday we did a TON of yard work. Our yard was so SOOOO overgrown. It looks so much lighter, brighter and more open. =) Andrew and I are going to try and work on it some more this weekend. He is determined to have a lush, green lawn before his parents visit in August.


Thanks for coming to visit Mom and thanks for all the goodies. I had a great time and I can't wait to see you again in a few weeks!

10 Tenets of Whole Living

1. Happiness is a choice. You can make that choice today and every day.
2. Good health isn't a gift; it's a habit you can cultivate.
3. Stay connected to the natural world. It will feed your soul.
4. Think more about what you should eat more than what you shouldn't.
5. Nurture your spirit. It's the source of your strength.
6. A healthy, fit body is not enough, true fitness engages the spirit.
7. Laugh at yourself. You're funny.
8. Believe in yourself. Your intuition is rarely wrong.
9. It's never too late to take the first step toward your aspirations.
10. What you pay attention to will thrive.

[via ali edwards]

Birdbath... or maybe it's Dogbath

Quick week recap...
Monday and Tuesday - painted living room and dining room ceiling

Tuesday evening - cut living/dining room walls with "birdbath" paint


Wednesday - tickets to Cardinals baseball game
Thursday - One last final trip to the apartment and first coat of paint in living/dining room


Friday - finished second coat of paint in living/dining room and then went to the airport to pick up my mum!

Andrew is off playing with his friends in NY at their annual pool party, HI Andrew's friends in NY! I miss you guys! And my mom is here to see our new house and help me decorate!

So far so good. This morning we painted all the trim in the living/dining room, shopped for curtain fabric and picked out paint for the fireplace.


Tomorrow we test the curtain fabric and paint the fireplace (not sure how this idea will work out...but it's fun trying!). I think we will throw in some antiquing for good measure.

And just in case you were wondering.....we are fully aware of the fact that it is the 4th of July....because Kula is in the tub -




Poor Kula!!! (she hates fireworks!)

This is my symphony

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconcious, grow up through the common - this is my symphony." [William Henry Channing]

{via Ali Edwards, March archives}

Lost and Found

It was a busy, busy weekend. After lots of debate over what to do with my Friday night....I realized that I was too stressed to do much of anything that I had actually planned on doing. Add to that the fact that there was a Cardinals baseball game that night...and a building had just exploded downtown I knew that my attempt to commute home after work could take multiple hours....so Andrew came out to the county instead and we had a "date". It felt good to go out with each other after weeks of running around being busy. We went to see Star Wars and it was pretty good. Much better than 1 and 2. I had low expectations but was pleasantly surprised.

Saturday we did some stuff around the house, attended a birthday party for our friend Makanaaloha's ninth revolution around the sun, and then headed to the apartment to clean. Our lease there ends Thursday so we have to clean up and hopefully get some of our deposit money back. Cleaning was awful! It took a good 3 hours...and it was so hot in there...yuck. Needless to say I passed out Saturday night around 9.

Sunday was more house stuff. I did manage to put the third and final coat of joint compound on my fireplace mantle. It looks great if I do say so myself!! I'll take another picture after it's all primed and painted. Then we had tickets to a baseball game in crazy, crazy heat!! Ugh... it's gonna be a hot one in Missouri this summer...

On the way home we got a call from our friend Aileen that her sweet little old dog Taylor was LOST. We went home, made some signs and hung them in the neighborhood. Afterward we all went to the neighborhood bar to eat some food and thank goodness Aileen got a call that someone had found him!!! =) Thank goodness!!!

Andrew and I also managed to stop at one of my favorite antique malls this weekend. We FOUND this awesome old dresser which is now the happy home for towels to wipe off Kula's wet feet, napkins, kitchen towels and a much needed junk drawer. Check out the sweet patina.






I also found this awesome fabric! From left to right you see apple green velvet, dark green mohair, and shiny green cotton chintz.



Here are some pictures of how my new "art" room is coming along.

Happy Birthday Gurumayi

Do you want to be happy? Be generous. Give credit to others' good qualities, others' virtues, others' goodness...become totally generous if you want to be happy.

~ Gurumai Chidvilasananda